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Latest blog post is up. Go there to read my post that has a trigger warning and talks about trigger warnings and triggers and why I’m taking a break from stuff for a week or two. Or whatever I need. Thank you for being here friends. See you when I feel up to it again ❤️❤️ The link is in the bio ❤️❤️ Or go to danibates.com and read “Trigger Warning.” #suicideprevention #suicide #suicidepreventionmonth #suicideawarenessmonth #suicidehotline #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthrecovery #ptsd #depression #anxiety #panicattack #therapy #therapyiscool #therapyisdope
This first picture is my two sisters (with Denny’s massive head creeping in the background which is exactly what he’d do if he were here so #accurate) Gabi And Jessi haven’t been around a ton over the last six months. I’m lucky if I see them more than 2x a month (hopefully that is changing now with the fall) and this was the first time we’d all been together in several months. Because Gabi is always doing humanitarian aid in a different country and Jessi was helping people in her way by going to med school. These two are so busy doing big things. But THEY are the ones I call first when I just can’t do another minute of all of this(along with @littlehawkinsmama @heidi.ann @liliribs who have saved me many times). And despite their busy schedules they find a way to be here. These poor girls have supported me through a lot and have dealt with their own trials, including us being Mom-less. But they love my girls like their own. And they show me unconditional love no matter my state. Gabi was the one who posted yesterday about the money. We’ve had a few fundraisers over the months which have all made me sob and have been so helpful to us. And then yesterday? When notifications started flooding in from Venmo and Paypal? 😭😭😭 I’m not above asking for help because I ABSOLUTELY NEED IT if me and my girls are going to succeed here. But I never want people to get the wrong perception of me and my goal here. But I do need to be working part time from home with my girls until they’re in full time school if at all possible. The therapist and others have advised us that’s best case scenario. Winnie especially will struggle and feel almost like she’s losing another parent if I work full time. So to have so many people who get it and support us and want me home with my babies just makes my heart full of gratitude and I’m so humbled. Plus that means I get to keep doing suicide prevention! So thank you. Whether you donated $1 or $1000, or couldn’t donate but shared the post, THANK YOU. Thank you for being our extended family. Every penny helps me stay home longer. and goes towards my kids becoming successful human beings and overcoming this horrible trauma. Thank you 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️
Today was the #outofthedarknesswalk in Liberty Park in SLC by the AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention). I got to stand up there for the bead ceremony and represent the red bead- someone who has lost a spouse or partner. It was incredible to be there and see how many people are working to stop the epidemic. And so many people came up to say hi. I just am so amazed at the goodness of people. And the support I’ve had. The love that was felt there. And honestly I felt like all of those loved ones who have died were there partying it up right along with us. The dear friends and neighbors who came were so appreciated. We are feeling EXTRA loved and supported from today and from the last post on here... which I will do another post for because why not. #suicideprevention #suicide #suicidepreventionmonth #suicideawarenessmonth #suicidehotline #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthrecovery #ptsd #depression #anxiety #panicattack #addiction #addictionrecovery #afsp
Hey guys! My name is Gabi, I’m Dani’s sister. Dani won’t ever post this so I’m stealing her phone and doing it for her and I want all of you to share it too. So many people are asking how to help her and her two girls. If you have been touched or affected by this story at all, we’d love if you’d donate even a dollar or $5 to her and her kids. Denny had Crohn’s disease and despite trying yearly couldn’t get qualified for life insurance. So now Dani has to figure out how to provide for her little family on her own without having any work experience for several years and while trying to heal and trying to help her girls heal. It’s a long process and going to work full time would be detrimental right now. Plus! She wants to keep doing this! She wants to keep saving lives and she can’t do that if she has to get a job soon. Whatever you have to offer will help and if you can’t help financially, repost this to your feed! Let’s help this sweet little family and show them how much we appreciate all they are doing to bring awareness and save lives. It’s @DaniEBates on Venmo, Paypal.me/danibatesfamily or firstname.lastname@example.org for Paypal, or search for “Dani Bates” on Gofundme for the page her friends set up for them. Any questions? Find me at @gabi__is 💕💕
This was taken a few days ago. I’m watching it right now to remind me that good days come. Today was honestly one of the top 5 worst days of my life. I’m really struggling you guys. It’s been a rough week or two anyways, but today... I picked up the police report. The investigation is finished. I get his stuff back soon too. But today was just the police report. I wanted to read it. I needed to read it. And I did read it. I couldn’t wait until I got home for some reason so I read through it quickly there in the parking lot of the police station. Then I set it on the passenger seat. In the four minutes I took to drive home, I was in a full blown panic attack. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe. I pulled into my driveway and tried to calm down before I got the girls out. I couldn’t. So I got up the stairs as fast as I could and fell apart. I texted a friend who has been incredible over the past few months. She was in her car before I could finish telling her what was going on. She got my kids and took them the rest of the day. She got people here to clean my house while I slept and cried. It felt like that first day. Something about the visual from the graphic descriptions ...It took me right back. Except the shock isn’t there so in some ways it’s worse. If I hadn’t been going to therapy I probably would be permanently broken. I do feel broken today. And I probably will for a few days. I can barely speak without crying. But I do know good days are ahead. Like this one at IKEA where I got a REAL laugh from Piper (it’s harder than you think to get that out of her). Thank you for the support in this horrific journey. I know with God, my girls, our guardian angel, and my support system, we can do this. But it’s okay for me to not be okay today. And maybe for a few more days. #suicideprevention #suicide #suicidepreventionmonth #suicideawarenessmonth #suicidehotline #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthrecovery #ptsd #depression #anxiety #panicattack
This is why I share this. This is why I make myself vulnerable to the world. This is why. Thank you for being a part of saving lives. Literally thousands of lives have been saved from sharing this video. I couldn’t reach that many people if you didn’t share it. So keep sharing. Because this has to stop. And I’m so grateful that I get to be a tiny little part of that.
There are so many new friends here. Hi, you guys!! I have a few things that you should be aware of if you’re gonna hang out here. If you want to know my story, I’ll share the basics again within the next few days. But in the meantime, go to danibates.com and start with Denny’s obituary and “The First Post.” Thank you ❤️❤️❤️. #dennybates #suicideprevention #suicidepreventionmonth #suicideawarenessmonth #suicideawareness #stopsuicide #stopthestigma #suicidehotline #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #damnitdenny #depression #abuse #anxiety #therapy #gettherapy #mentalillnessawareness #podcast #podcasts #podcastlife #podcaster #podcasting #poscastforhealth #mentalhealthpodcast #healing #grief #trauma #grieving #death
The reality of suicide: Today has been full of ups and downs. We miss daddy extra today.
Edited to clarify: This video from June has been getting a lot of attention again. I’m so glad. Please continue to share. Yes, it’s painful to watch but this is reality for us. Everyone should be required to watch her agony so that we can do something to help stop the insane number of suicides happening. My sharing and your sharing has helped and will continue to. If you feel you are a burden to your loved ones, you are WRONG and that is mental illness lying to you. Your loved ones want and need you.
Also, read my whole story. Winnie is in therapy twice a week with a specialized child therapist (and I am in weekly). We are working on getting out her feelings, so this is good for her to express. I give her constant loves and snuggles. I hold her through a lot of it and occasionally support her nearby while she gets out all of her feelings, sadness, and anger. A lot of things are crazy right now, but I do know one thing... I am a great mom. And I’m doing everything I possibly can to prevent as much damage as possible for my sweet girls.
Read more about our story on danibates.com and start with the featured posts.
This is us feeding each other cake at our wedding. But I love this picture because it reminds me of how much he always made me laugh. We had a rough night. But we’re doing better today. That seems to be the norm now. Rough days come and then the next day we’re okay. A week or two later it hits again. The waves of grief aren’t nearly as overwhelming usually and last night was an exception. I wanted to share my raw feelings. I share them despite the discomfort for me and the rare criticism I receive. Because the large majority are supportive. And I get message after message after message of someone saying that it saved their life. You know why? Because like Denny, many of these people believe that they are a burden to their loved ones. Many believe that they will be doing their family a favor by leaving this life. Let me reassure you if you aren’t hearing me in my past posts... YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN. WE NEED YOU HERE. With all of your demons and illnesses and whatever the crap you have. We NEED you here with all of it. We WANT you here with all of it. And when I say you have to fight through this? It’s because I believe in you. It’s because I also hear story after story of someone who has been at the depths and even attempted and now? Now they’re happy and whole and living a fulfilled life. I know it is possible. I don’t envy your fight. I am heartbroken knowing that Denny thought he couldn’t fight it. But I do know he could have. And I know that he would have if he were to know the pain he was leaving us with. In his mind it was his most selfless act but it left us with more pain and sorrow and residual effects than he would have ever imagined. And your loved ones will feel it too. So please fight. Please reach out. People WANT to help you so so much. Please yell it from the rooftops if you have to. I want you to live. You are more than enough and YOU?? YOU READING THIS.. YOU MATTER TO ME. #worldsuicidepreventionday #dennybates #suicideprevention #suicidepreventionmonth #suicideawarenessmonth #suicideawareness #stopsuicide #stopthestigma #suicidehotline #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #damnitdenny #depression #abuse #anxiety #therapy
I cried all my makeup off today and now I’m crying myself to sleep. I’ve cried so much that my contacts are foggy and I’ll have to clean them out. I’m just too tired tonight. I want to sleep but I can’t stop the tears. What was an emotional day ended with my little Winnie, my three year old daughter, hugging my leg while softly crying and saying, “I wish I would have waked up when daddy died. I tried to wake up.” I asked her to repeat it cause I didn’t understand. She repeated and then said, “If I waked up, I’d grab his arm and say it’s okay daddy. You won’t die. And then I’d save him and he wouldn’t go to heaven.” Are you kidding me? This THREE YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL is asking herself the same questions the rest of us are. “What could I have done differently? How could I have saved him?” This is unacceptable. It’s insane. This little three year old is feeling guilty for not waking up when her dad left the house to go take his life. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR FAMILY. DO NOT DO THIS TO YOUR CHILDREN. It’s not fair. It’s not fair she has to deal with this for the rest of her life. And even with the most healthy of circumstances, a great support system, and therapy... she’s still feeling like if she would have just woken up... Your loved ones will feel this way. Denny NEVER would have been able to do this if he had any sort of idea how this would impact his loved ones. Especially his little girls. And he didn’t know. But you? Now you know. You reading this? Now I’m holding you accountable. Whatever you have to do. You fight this. You get through this. You do whatever it takes to get better. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I’ll never claim to understand. I don’t. But I will tell you to keep fighting. To get help. Stop finding excuses and reasons to allow yourself further down that path. Get yourself up. Do whatever it takes. Because although life isn’t fair, this is beyond what any little girl should feel for her daddy. I’m angry. I’m broken. I’m sad. I’m hurt. I’m trying. I don’t want to be dealing with this and I shouldn’t have to be. Don’t do this to your family. In honor of World Suicide Prevention Day, please share my story. THIS HAS TO STOP NOW.
THIS IS WHY I want to do this for the rest of my life. You do matter. And I’ll keep saying it as long as I can and to as many as I can. If me saying that doesn’t help you, listen to a celebrity who is using his platform for so much good. He also believes in what I’m doing. Because we want you alive. We don’t want you to feel how Denny felt. We need you here. And although I can’t imagine what that darkness feels like, I have heard from so many that there IS light at the end of the tunnel. Please please PLEASE fight to stay. You are LOVED. You are NEEDED. You are NOT a burden ❤️❤️ —————————————————————————————-Posted @withrepost • @mauricebenard September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. You may think your life doesn’t matter, but I’m telling you it does. I beg you, please call someone, talk to someone, get help. #SuicidePrevention @namicommunicate @dani.bates .
- If you or someone you know is in an emergency, call 911 immediately.
- If you are in crisis or are experiencing difficult or suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273 TALK (8255)
- If you’re uncomfortable talking on the phone, you can also text NAMI to 741-741 to be connected to a free, trained crisis counselor on the Crisis Text Line.
Before this gets misunderstood, let me explain. If you know me, you know that trying to build my social media is never going to be a pride thing for me. The reason I want to is because I know that’s more people that have access to my story and more importantly, the resources I find and share. I will always be authentic. And here’s me being authentic about my last post. In a few months, I’m going to need to start supplementing the money I have in savings and what I get from social security. Denny was the SOLE provider and he did it well. But he also wasn’t able to get life insurance due to Crohn’s disease. I don’t ever want to just run out of money and be like, “Well, now I guess I gotta get a job!” And do you know what I’m so super passionate about? THIS! Keeping people alive! Wouldn’t it be best case scenario if I could continue to do this while paying my bills and keeping a roof over my girls head? If I do get a real job, I will not be able to do this very often. I won’t be able to write and I won’t be able to do the non profit I’ve been dreaming about to continue to help people in a way that is DESPERATELY needed. I’m doing my research. I want to continue to use Denny’s tragedy for good. I want to continue healing through writing and helping others. It’s not realistic long term to keep doing this if I don’t find a way to make some money. But there are so many companies out there who would be happy to sponsor me and help my cause. There are brands who will give me a percentage of each person who uses my “code” to purchase something. Every post/video/podcast/writing will be from me. I need help with managing everything else so that I can spend more time writing and figuring out my non profit AND to make sure I get the most important messages and give resources to those who are reaching out for help. I don’t even have time to see the messages. And if I ever “review” a product... you know I’ll never lie about it and be like, “WOW THIS IS AMAZING,” if it’s a pile 😂. One company already asked to send me something for free in exchange for a post and I told them, “Sure! As long as you’re okay with me being honest!” I may hate it 😘
Is she not the cutest? I’m obsessed. She’s started saying words and I AM SO OBSESSED. So on a completely unrelated note I am looking for someone to help me manage my social media. I am much too poor to pay anyone. I’d love to be able to make money off of my blog and podcast and everything so that I can pay my bills and help people at the same time. But in the mean time... I would love someone who wants to do it for a few months and have something like this on their resume. If you are (or know if) a college student who wants to do an internship, I’d be happy to work with the school in whatever paperwork we need to do to give you school credit. I need someone who has good grammar. Someone who understands at least from personal use: twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. And someone who is empathetic but STABLE. If you are currently struggling with any sort of mental illness this or are somewhere newer into the grief process, this job is not for you. Not because you aren’t fully capable of doing a great job but because many of the messages I get can be extremely triggering. I don’t want to be causing any more issues for anyone who is already struggling. It would probably take 3-6 hours a week, preferably spread throughout the week. It is totally flexible and could be done at any time during the day. If you know someone who would do well with this, who wants a great reference for future jobs, who wants some experience in social media management, tag them here or send them my way! If this is you (hi 👋), then please send me an email with your name, your social media handles, if you need it for college credit or not, and if you’d be able to commit to 5-6 hour a week (MAXIMUM) at least through the end of the year- email@example.com 😘😘😘
On the blog I’m sharing embarrassing old photos of myself tonight.... like this one... Taking a step back and looking at what I was like 10-15 years ago vs now. I am super different. Then I’m talking about why weekends SUCK. But I also have the best support. Read about some of this on the blog.
#dennybates #suicideprevention #suicidepreventionmonth #suicideawarenessmonth #suicideawareness #stopsuicide #stopthestigma #suicidehotline #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #damnitdenny #depression #abuse #anxiety #therapy #gettherapy #mentalillnessawareness #podcast #podcasts #podcastlife #podcaster #podcasting #poscastforhealth #mentalhealthpodcast #healing #grief #trauma #grieving #death
We had a little hiatus (watch my recent YouTube videos if you want to hear about it), but we are BACK and it’s a great episode too. If you haven’t listened yet. Please give it a listen, rate it, review it, and subscribe so that you don’t miss an episode! Also, I’d LOVE if you’d be willing to go follow the @makeitawkwardpodcast account and share our stuff with your friends and family. This is a way for me to continue to help people and reach a broader audience. Thank you for supporting me in this fun little venture ❤️❤️❤️ #dennybates #suicideprevention #suicidepreventionmonth #suicideawarenessmonth #suicideawareness #stopsuicide #stopthestigma #suicidehotline #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #damnitdenny #depression #abuse #anxiety #therapy #gettherapy #mentalillnessawareness #podcast #podcasts #podcastlife #podcaster #podcasting #poscastforhealth #mentalhealthpodcast
Sass #2 here. Who is getting more and more comfortable with other people as she gets older. She picks her people and gets very attached. She gets louder too. Apparently she’s just as loud as Winnie. Wasn’t expecting that. So I officially now own the two loudest children on the planet. This one is clever. She’s naughty and constantly finding trouble but she also just REALLY wants to help. She will happily put toys or shoes away or throw away garbage and has been my little sidekick for all of the ikea furniture building I’ve been doing lately. She gets mad if I finish a project. She’ll seriously sit with me for (not exaggerating) hours as I build things and will put screws in and use tools. She’s the kind of kid that will be given a pen and instead of coloring everywhere, she takes the entire pen apart and will bring me all of the pieces, so proud of herself. She also climbs into everything (ahem... the toilet...) and finds out how to get what she wants. She’s so smart. She’s not nearly as verbal as Winnie was (well, Winnie was basically having full on conversations at this point, Piper doesn’t say many words... she yells a lot and babbles and screams and points), but she’s much more sneaky, clever and ACTIVE. She gained less than a pound in the last three months even though she eats like a sumo wrestler... it’s because she’s non stop moving. She’s adorable. And after all of the pictures I’ve been sharing recently, I’m feeling really blessed that I have all of you to confirm my feelings of how cute and smart and amazing my kids are. It used to be Denny and my mom that would admire every little development or funny expression or new word or whatever. They both were as obsessed with my kids as I was(my mom only got to meet Winnie in this lifetime). So I LOVE that I get dozens of comments of exactly what my mom or Denny would be saying to me. THANK YOU for being an incredible support system for me and my girls ❤️
The level of sass in this picture + Day 2 of Preschool + I’m mad at Denny for not being here + He would be ecstatic that her hair fit into a ponytail (sort of) with not even a whole bottle of hairspray (and no I’ve never cut her hair she’s just never grown any) + Winnie saying, “Mom, I can go up the stairs by myself, you don’t have to get Piper and come.” Sorry Winnie, I need to + The second we get inside the door she says, “Okay can you leave now?” + SHE ISN’T EVEN 3.5 + So much sass + 😍😍😍😍😍😍 + but stop growing child #dennybates #suicideprevention #suicidepreventionmonth #suicideawarenessmonth #suicideawareness #stopsuicide #stopthestigma #suicidehotline #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #mentalhealth #damnitdenny #depression #abuse #anxiety #therapy #gettherapy #mentalillnessawareness
I don’t know what’s going on but I’m OKAY WITH IT x10000. They both went to sleep by 830 last night and now are taking a morning nap. What is my life? Can this keep happening? I know the answer to that is no. But maybe like just a few more days would be so great, thanks 👌